Storm of the Century

Miles Advanced: 0

Wind-Speed: 40.3mph

Wind-Chill: Avg. -56f, Down to -73f

Visibility: Piss Poor

Mankind was never meant to exist on the ‘Last Continent’ and today it seems Mother Nature is trying to remind us of that fact. In all my seasons on the Ice, I have never witnessed a storm quite like this one- it’s not so much the wind-speed or the cold, it’s the amount of snow that’s so remarkable.

They say Antarctica is the driest continent on earth- so where is all this snow coming from? Forecasters predict this weather is going to last a couple more days and I sincerely hope not, as we will have a couple days of shoveling out as it is.

Above: We use ropes to guide ourselves through the whiteout.

Fueling the generator was a necessity and we lucked out when all our hoses linked together and reached the bladder without an inch to spare. This chore lasted an hour and I felt like I was getting sandblasted the whole while.

There was snow in my goggles, up my nose, in my ears, and down my spine. McLovin’tried smoking a cigarette but the filter plugged full of snow within a couple puffs.

P.S. No, those were not my bloated, hairy, midget legs.

No, those were not my extremely muscled bodybuilder legs either.

No, I am not taking a 1976 bodybuilding trophy to the South Pole

Yes, you are retarded if you email my wife, or my boss, about these daily updates- remember, I could be making all this stuff up. Who knows? Maybe I’m in Florida right now typing all this from a Jacuzzi.

And No, I’m not going to stop using the words ‘midget’ or ‘retarded’ because they are both awesome.

Miles Advanced: 0

Wind Spd: Avg. 32.5mph

Wind-Chill: Min. -63.5F

Ambient Temp: -8F

Visibility: 50ft.

Yup, the storm persists. This is the third day of the blizzard. The weather forecast says we may have a small window tomorrow afternoon to dig everything out and move it some 500ft to higher ground, and then another storm is supposed to hit. Jeez.

The Moonregan  Traverse is coming through this way soon. They are using our route to make it to McMurdo and back in record time. From what we’ve heard, they are about 50 miles away. As the visibility is poor we decided to flag all our sleds and bladders so we don’t have a collision. Usually we don’t have to worry about others using our route but I think those days are gone. The more expeditioners that hear about a flagged/crevasse-free route to the South Pole, the more we are going to start seeing them use it.

Moonregan Traverse

Miles Advanced: 0

Weather: Stiff Wind, Clear Skies

Wind-Chill: -25F

Location: Same place we’ve been for the last 4 days.

The mechanics got Ozone started (front-end loader) which was a miracle because I don’t know how we would have freed the tractors without it.

There was still a ton of shoveling as every nook and cranny was jammed packed with Antarctic concrete. Dosinga was heard saying, “I think I’m getting carpal back.” The electronics on the Prinoth were stuffed full of snow too and we used a Chillmat (for heating not chilling) to melt them out.

The Moonregan Traverse came through- what nice guys! It was super cool to have guests as we haven’t seen anyone else for about a month now. 10 guys, mostly British, although a couple Icelandic, and one American.

The sole American and mountaineer of the expedition happened to be Vern Tejas! I had never met Vern before but I’d heard many stories. Vern is an Alaskan Legend and my freakin’ hero! He made the first solo winter ascent of Denali, guided Antarctic legend Norman Vaughan to the summit of the peak that bares his name, and has the most summits of Vinson Massif (Antarctica’s highest mountain) at 26. I didn’t look this up- I just know this stuff. You might say I have a man crush. Anyway, he was super cool and let me drive one of the Moonregan vehicles in a circle. It was the best circle I have ever driven.

Anyway, we gave the Moonregan guys a Banoffi pie and a couple bottles of wine, cause that’s how we roll. Side Note: Moonregan dudes didn’t bring any booze with them. Crazy I say. End Note.

Miles Advanced: 13.9

Total Mileage: 837

Temp: -23 Ambient

So tired, the whole freakin’ crew is sore and grumpy as hell.

I am living off Ibuprofen. Somehow we managed to get everything dug out. Loads reconfigured yet again. And we are on the move.

The Moonregan crew made it all the way to the Ross Ice Shelf and back in two days- said they got sloshed on the wine we gave them- nice! God they’re fast- I hate them for that!

It was my day to cook so I got some BBQ chicken and washed all that nasty kiwi barbeque sauce off. Then I made Weimer’s Surprise. It’s like a Curry Dish. Not as good as Two Fat Indians in Christchurch , but pretty good. Actually, it was really good. Really really good! In fact, the whole crew gave me a standing ovation. I made that last part up. But like I said, it was good… really good.

89th Parallel

Miles Advanced: 22.4

Weather: Clear, WC -39F.

The human keister was never meant to suffer this kind of punishment. Is God spanking me for something?

Anyway, yea, my rump is all swollen up like a baboons. I’d send pictures- but you guys might forward them to my boss and my boss’ boss, and you know what? A mongoloid a$$ is bad enough as it is. So the crew voted and let me have another day in the Living Module. I might set a new record after all- first person to be dragged to the South Pole. Has a nice ring to it!

Everyone is talking about AGAP. Will we go, won’t we. It’s still up in the air. AGAP is an abandoned camp located 450 miles grid north-east of Pole. The Powers-That-Be want us to go clean up the site.

So these are the things I’m missing most, in order of priority.

#1- Wife

#2- Normal sized A$$

#3- McDonalds (no, they aren’t sponsoring me- but they should)

#4- Night sky, I miss stars

#5- The smell of the earth- plants, dirt, etc…

#6- Dogs, preferably dogs that don’t eat my furniture and sh*t all over the house.

#7- The sounds of a river

#8- Pepsi (no, Pepsi doesn’t sponsor me either- but they should)

Miles Advanced: 27.4

Miles Total: 932.3

Miles to South Pole: 116

Weather: Ice Fog, WC -48F

We are now out of the National Park and into the Polar Swamp- an area notorious for having deep, soft, snow. Kinda weird how we went from really hard snow to really soft snow in a short distance.

We should have some pretty good miles tomorrow as long as we don’t get stuck too often. Side Note: Sastrugi N. Park seems to be growing- three years ago it was only 50 miles long and now it’s double that. Not good for plastic sleds. End Note.

Cut the beard off- it was all bleached red from the sun and I was starting to resemble a disgruntled Ronald McDonald. Or a homeless Carrot Top- whichever.

Day 36

Miles Advanced: 27.0

Weather: Overcast, Wind, WC -42f

Elevation: 9,612ft

Miles to Pole: 89

I predicted some good mileage for the day but unfortunately didn’t get it. Broke another sheet of HMW. This cost us a couple hours, transferring the fuel from the broken sled to a bladder on a good one.

Above: Plastic sleds bending over sastrugi causes them to crack.

It was my Birthday today! Technically, it’s supposed to be tomorrow- with the International Date Line and all that crap, but I’m celebrating it today. Thought the crew might set me up some kind of surprise party or something of that nature and I kept telling myself, “Dave, act surprised, lets give them what they want.” But when I entered the Living Module… everyone was just eating dinner like normal. No presents, no banners, no confetti. Not even a freakin’cake!!!! As you will see in the picture below- we have DOZENS of precooked, frozen, birthday-cakes. All you gotta do is put one of those suckers in the microwave for 10 seconds and it’s DONE.

Above: Our frozen, pre-cooked, kiwi food

Most likely the whole ‘International Date Line’ thing got folks confused. I understand, and I believe in second chances.

Miles Advanced: 42

Weather: Ice Fog, Warm, -3 Ambient

Miles to Pole: 46

Crossed the 89th Parallel! I can taste victory! Hopefully, we will be within sight of Amundsen-Scott South Pole Station tomorrow- IF all goes well. We are about as far south as you can go and its actually warmer here than 100 miles farther north. Maybe less wind at the Pole???

Nice warm day, it started raining from our skylights around noon. Lots of ice build-up on the tractors. Conditions were soft and much of the day we were hooked together with a plasma rope in tandem assist mode.

All the Smokers are low on cigarettes and want to get to Pole ASAP. If we don’t get there soon McLovin’ may try smoking the tea leaves, which Gidget has tried, and doesn’t suggest. I’m looking forward to the Galley food, which is always top notch! Oh, and a washing machine that isn’t full of diesel fuel!